AThornton
Well-known member
Upon reviewing the information regarding the recent armed robbery by the three freshmen UT football players I have determined that there were several factors that led to the demise of their crime spree.
It is very obvious that these gentlemen had not invested a lot of time in the planning of their crime. I am not a criminal but have watched enough cop and lawyer shows to make the following suggestions.
1.)The Toyota Prius was not exactly the prototype for get away cars. Definitely not a pimpin' ride. Sure you get great gas mileage and are helping in the fight against global warming, but you will soon realize that the acceleration factor and top end speed are hardly equal to the City of Knoxville Police cars equiped with Police Interceptor engines. If you are insisitent on continuing to use this car for future criminal escapades, I would suggest maybe carrying the car up to your dorm room and hiding it in your closet or possibly hiding it in a dumpster until the coast is clear. Also, a light blue car is not exactly what I would consider a primary color for a "homie living on the edge." One might want to consider a black sportscar with tinted windows or something similar. I would suggest watching some reruns of Dukes of Hazzard or Starsky and Hutch. This could help you develop your high speed driving skills.
2.) Looking back, parking right next to the person that you're going to rob probably wasn't the best choice. You see, they can see you get out of the car, they can see you get back in the car, and they see your license plate, and then they see the direction your heading when making your get away. This can easily be relayed to the police which makes it a whole lot easier to find and apprehend you. Next time, I would suggest maybe hiding the car around back and maybe ducking when driving off so the victim won't see you or the car you left in.
3.) A pellet gun is really not the weapon of choice for robbing people in parking lots, knocking over liquor stores, or drive by shootings. You might be able to use this particular gun if you're needing to scare the neighbors cat out of your yard or shoot squirrels off your deck. If you're wanting to pack some serious "heat" (that's what they call a gun in the hood) try a Glock or a Smith and Wesson. Make sure you hold it sideways or even upside down, that looks really cool!!!! If you don't believe the part about pellet guns being uncool, watch National Lampoon "Vacation." They really can't break the skin, they just leave a nasty welt.
4.) Next time you might want to reconsider wearing the clothing that is provided only to UT football players. There's lots of Tennessee Vol's in the area but none of them will be wearing the team's limited issued Adidas apparel. I would suggest wearing something with the "University of Alabama" displayed on the front. They have had several offenders within the past couple of years. Identifying you in a lineup might be a little more challenging for the victims. And don't wear the Kenny Stabler or John Parker Wilson disguise, that will be a dead give away.
5.) If somehow you are reinstated to the University of Tennessee or any other Div. I or II school in the near future, I would suggest you consider the you are on scholarship which means all of your tuition, books, room and board and food are all paid for. Also playing at the University of Tennessee, allows you to not only train under a great coaching staff to develop your football skills but also gives you the opportunity to play in front of 100,000 screaming fans every Saturday and on national TV. That's called exposure. This also could lead to a career in the NFL. They make a lot of money. Believe me, a lot more than you made last night in your hold up. All of these opportunities, realistically, are probably gone and your position on the team will be given next year to somebody who will appreciate the opportunity to play Division I football, especially in the Southeastern Conference.
6.) I would suggest that you might want to consider a new career path since this turned out so badly. I mean really, you are an insult to the entire"Armed Robber" profession. It's apparent that you just don't have it in you to be a career criminal. I know sometimes it's hard to let go of your lifetime dreams so if you're really determined to see this through, I would suggest reading some informational material, perhaps "Armed Robbery for Dummies, Black Hoodie: A Novice Guide to Thuggery, or Lane Kiffins 20 Steps to Street Cred." These are all on Oprah's Book Club website and are good reads. I think you get a complementary copy of the Lil Wayne CD with the Lane Kiffin book.
I do wish you well and appreciate your time at the University of Tennessee. I hope you have learned a valuable lesson from this event and also hope that you will stop and reconsider when contemplating robbing innocent people of their money. Or better yet, have you considered going into politics? If your a Liberal Democrat, it is perfectly legal to take from those who have money and possessions.
It is very obvious that these gentlemen had not invested a lot of time in the planning of their crime. I am not a criminal but have watched enough cop and lawyer shows to make the following suggestions.
1.)The Toyota Prius was not exactly the prototype for get away cars. Definitely not a pimpin' ride. Sure you get great gas mileage and are helping in the fight against global warming, but you will soon realize that the acceleration factor and top end speed are hardly equal to the City of Knoxville Police cars equiped with Police Interceptor engines. If you are insisitent on continuing to use this car for future criminal escapades, I would suggest maybe carrying the car up to your dorm room and hiding it in your closet or possibly hiding it in a dumpster until the coast is clear. Also, a light blue car is not exactly what I would consider a primary color for a "homie living on the edge." One might want to consider a black sportscar with tinted windows or something similar. I would suggest watching some reruns of Dukes of Hazzard or Starsky and Hutch. This could help you develop your high speed driving skills.
2.) Looking back, parking right next to the person that you're going to rob probably wasn't the best choice. You see, they can see you get out of the car, they can see you get back in the car, and they see your license plate, and then they see the direction your heading when making your get away. This can easily be relayed to the police which makes it a whole lot easier to find and apprehend you. Next time, I would suggest maybe hiding the car around back and maybe ducking when driving off so the victim won't see you or the car you left in.
3.) A pellet gun is really not the weapon of choice for robbing people in parking lots, knocking over liquor stores, or drive by shootings. You might be able to use this particular gun if you're needing to scare the neighbors cat out of your yard or shoot squirrels off your deck. If you're wanting to pack some serious "heat" (that's what they call a gun in the hood) try a Glock or a Smith and Wesson. Make sure you hold it sideways or even upside down, that looks really cool!!!! If you don't believe the part about pellet guns being uncool, watch National Lampoon "Vacation." They really can't break the skin, they just leave a nasty welt.
4.) Next time you might want to reconsider wearing the clothing that is provided only to UT football players. There's lots of Tennessee Vol's in the area but none of them will be wearing the team's limited issued Adidas apparel. I would suggest wearing something with the "University of Alabama" displayed on the front. They have had several offenders within the past couple of years. Identifying you in a lineup might be a little more challenging for the victims. And don't wear the Kenny Stabler or John Parker Wilson disguise, that will be a dead give away.
5.) If somehow you are reinstated to the University of Tennessee or any other Div. I or II school in the near future, I would suggest you consider the you are on scholarship which means all of your tuition, books, room and board and food are all paid for. Also playing at the University of Tennessee, allows you to not only train under a great coaching staff to develop your football skills but also gives you the opportunity to play in front of 100,000 screaming fans every Saturday and on national TV. That's called exposure. This also could lead to a career in the NFL. They make a lot of money. Believe me, a lot more than you made last night in your hold up. All of these opportunities, realistically, are probably gone and your position on the team will be given next year to somebody who will appreciate the opportunity to play Division I football, especially in the Southeastern Conference.
6.) I would suggest that you might want to consider a new career path since this turned out so badly. I mean really, you are an insult to the entire"Armed Robber" profession. It's apparent that you just don't have it in you to be a career criminal. I know sometimes it's hard to let go of your lifetime dreams so if you're really determined to see this through, I would suggest reading some informational material, perhaps "Armed Robbery for Dummies, Black Hoodie: A Novice Guide to Thuggery, or Lane Kiffins 20 Steps to Street Cred." These are all on Oprah's Book Club website and are good reads. I think you get a complementary copy of the Lil Wayne CD with the Lane Kiffin book.
I do wish you well and appreciate your time at the University of Tennessee. I hope you have learned a valuable lesson from this event and also hope that you will stop and reconsider when contemplating robbing innocent people of their money. Or better yet, have you considered going into politics? If your a Liberal Democrat, it is perfectly legal to take from those who have money and possessions.
