jonathanfaith2
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2009
- Messages
- 687
> > For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed
> > version:
> >
> > Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
> > hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
> > summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
> > winter.
> >
> > The two most important events in all of history were the invention
> > of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
> > get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
> > civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
> > humanity into two distinct subgroups:
> >
> > 1 . Liberals, and
> > 2. Conservatives.
> >
> > Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
> > beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can
> > were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around
> > waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
> > brewery. That's how villages were formed.
> >
> > Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
> > night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
> > is known as the Conservative movement.
> >
> > Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
> > live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and
> > doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the
> > beginning of the Liberal movement.
> >
> > Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those
> > became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
> > include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,
> > group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
> > divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
> >
> > Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
> > most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
> > symbolized by the jackass.
> >
> > Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
> > prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
> > like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
> > liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of
> > their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
> > social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
> > Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
> > designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher
> > also bat.
> >
> > Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat
> > red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big
> > game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
> > firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate
> > executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and
> > generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own
> > companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
> >
> > Liberals produce little or nothing.. They like to govern the
> > producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
> > believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why
> > most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
> > coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and
> > created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
> >
> > Here ends today's lesson in world history:
> >
> > It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to
> > angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
> >
> > A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
> > truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
> > true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
> >
> > And there you have it.
> >
> > version:
> >
> > Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
> > hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
> > summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
> > winter.
> >
> > The two most important events in all of history were the invention
> > of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
> > get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
> > civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
> > humanity into two distinct subgroups:
> >
> > 1 . Liberals, and
> > 2. Conservatives.
> >
> > Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
> > beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can
> > were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around
> > waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
> > brewery. That's how villages were formed.
> >
> > Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
> > night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
> > is known as the Conservative movement.
> >
> > Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
> > live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and
> > doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the
> > beginning of the Liberal movement.
> >
> > Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those
> > became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
> > include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,
> > group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
> > divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
> >
> > Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
> > most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
> > symbolized by the jackass.
> >
> > Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
> > prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
> > like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
> > liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of
> > their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
> > social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
> > Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
> > designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher
> > also bat.
> >
> > Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat
> > red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big
> > game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
> > firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate
> > executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and
> > generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own
> > companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
> >
> > Liberals produce little or nothing.. They like to govern the
> > producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
> > believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why
> > most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
> > coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and
> > created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
> >
> > Here ends today's lesson in world history:
> >
> > It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to
> > angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
> >
> > A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
> > truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
> > true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
> >
> > And there you have it.
> >
