rodbuilder2
Well-known member
>
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Subject: The lawn mower
>
>
>> This was sent by a retired dentist. (Probably an Auburn Engineer before Med school)
>>
>> We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and >> a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the
>> entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
>>
>> Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and
>> drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
>>
>> One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I
>> knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.
>>
>> It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
>>
>> Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in
>> mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
>>
>> Time stood still.
>>
>> The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the
>> lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at
>> one with the engine.
>>
>> It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of crap lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.
>>
>> Science says you cannot poop, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels
>> emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all
>> leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just poop your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together
it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
>>
>> At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences.....but Dad always had those cheapo chargers made by International or whoever that were
>> like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
>>
>> 'Oh no!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
>>
>> Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in
>> poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die.. Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely
>> and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.
>>
>> So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day.....he
>> left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
>>
>> I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was
>> later on in the day and I was sunburned.
>>
>> There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while
>> I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
>>
>> Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
>>
>> 1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
>> 2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
>> 3- Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
>> 4- My left eye will not open.
>> 5- My right eye will not close.
>> 6- The lawnmower runs like a banshee now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better
>> than new after that.
>> 7- My man jewels are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
>> 8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
>>
>> That day changed my life. I now have a new found respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
>>
>> The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me
>> a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
>>
>>
>>
>
>
Copyright 2009 © Yahoo! Inc. Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Send Feedback | Help
---
Subject: The lawn mower
>
>
>> This was sent by a retired dentist. (Probably an Auburn Engineer before Med school)
>>
>> We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and >> a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the
>> entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
>>
>> Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and
>> drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
>>
>> One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I
>> knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.
>>
>> It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
>>
>> Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in
>> mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
>>
>> Time stood still.
>>
>> The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the
>> lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at
>> one with the engine.
>>
>> It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of crap lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.
>>
>> Science says you cannot poop, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels
>> emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all
>> leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just poop your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together
it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
>>
>> At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences.....but Dad always had those cheapo chargers made by International or whoever that were
>> like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
>>
>> 'Oh no!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
>>
>> Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in
>> poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die.. Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely
>> and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.
>>
>> So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day.....he
>> left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
>>
>> I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was
>> later on in the day and I was sunburned.
>>
>> There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while
>> I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
>>
>> Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
>>
>> 1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
>> 2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
>> 3- Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
>> 4- My left eye will not open.
>> 5- My right eye will not close.
>> 6- The lawnmower runs like a banshee now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better
>> than new after that.
>> 7- My man jewels are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
>> 8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
>>
>> That day changed my life. I now have a new found respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
>>
>> The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me
>> a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
>>
>>
>>
>
>
Copyright 2009 © Yahoo! Inc. Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Send Feedback | Help