Ronnie Garrison
Well-known member
SMART Azz ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a flight on Southwest
Airline. 'Would you like dinner?'
The flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my
Choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART Azz ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
Gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
Ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat,
She said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
SMART Azz ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at
The grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The
Stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
SMART Azz ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
Stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you
All day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When
The cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART Azz ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge overhead.' Before he knows
It, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets
out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
Says, 'Got stuck, huh.'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out
Of gas.'
SMART Azz ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 -- A college teacher reminds her class
Of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
For you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's
It, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
Utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is
restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and
sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
Other hand.'
Two bonus extras:
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?' The clerk
says, 'What denomination? '
The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic,
12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
Fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband
Replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.' He never heard the
Shot.
Airline. 'Would you like dinner?'
The flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my
Choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART Azz ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
Gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
Ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat,
She said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
SMART Azz ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at
The grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The
Stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
SMART Azz ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
Stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you
All day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When
The cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART Azz ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge overhead.' Before he knows
It, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets
out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
Says, 'Got stuck, huh.'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out
Of gas.'
SMART Azz ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 -- A college teacher reminds her class
Of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
For you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's
It, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
Utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is
restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and
sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
Other hand.'
Two bonus extras:
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?' The clerk
says, 'What denomination? '
The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic,
12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
Fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband
Replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.' He never heard the
Shot.
