Here are some new thoughts that have come to me over the last couple of years...
Wouldn't it be
great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten
minutes, come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
Last year I joined
a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met
yet...
I don't trip
over things, I do random gravity checks!
I don't need
anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!
Old age is coming
at a really bad time!
When I was a child
I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grown up,
it just feels like a small vacation!
The biggest lie I
tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."
Lord grant me the
strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage
to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail
when I finally snap!
I don't have
gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm
just very wise.
My people skills
are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs
work.
Teach your
daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a
piece of paper.
If God wanted me
to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
The kids text me
"plz" which is shorter than please. I text back
"no" which is shorter than "yes".
I'm going to
retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do
that second week.
When did it change
from "We the people" to "screw the
people"?
I've lost my
mind and I'm pretty sure my wife took it!
Even duct tape
can't fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to
press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me
to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk
to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Oops! Did I roll
my eyes out loud?
At my age
"Getting lucky" means walking into a room and
remembering what I came in there for.
Chocolate comes
from cocoa which is a type of tree... that makes it a plant which
means... chocolate falls into the fruit family or Salad category! Eat More Chocolate!
emoGeezer Jmax
Wouldn't it be
great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten
minutes, come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
Last year I joined
a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met
yet...
I don't trip
over things, I do random gravity checks!
I don't need
anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!
Old age is coming
at a really bad time!
When I was a child
I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grown up,
it just feels like a small vacation!
The biggest lie I
tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."
Lord grant me the
strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage
to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail
when I finally snap!
I don't have
gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm
just very wise.
My people skills
are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs
work.
Teach your
daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a
piece of paper.
If God wanted me
to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
The kids text me
"plz" which is shorter than please. I text back
"no" which is shorter than "yes".
I'm going to
retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do
that second week.
When did it change
from "We the people" to "screw the
people"?
I've lost my
mind and I'm pretty sure my wife took it!
Even duct tape
can't fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to
press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me
to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk
to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Oops! Did I roll
my eyes out loud?
At my age
"Getting lucky" means walking into a room and
remembering what I came in there for.
Chocolate comes
from cocoa which is a type of tree... that makes it a plant which
means... chocolate falls into the fruit family or Salad category! Eat More Chocolate!
emoGeezer Jmax
